there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
