i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
