apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
