Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
