i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
