i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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