What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
