Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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