I just made out with a guy for $7.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
