Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
