There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize