Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
