Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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