Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
