He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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