he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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