if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
vagina is talking i cant
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
