How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
