I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
