drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.