I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND