Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.