this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.