in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway