No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward