Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?