I just threw up on my dentist
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....