can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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