Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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