4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
