The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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