I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
