im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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