Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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