It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
