one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
