I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
