I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
