i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
