So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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