i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
