I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
