Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
