she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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