a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
