You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
