I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
