i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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