then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
