found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
