Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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