pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
