The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
