I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize