I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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