The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
