well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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