I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your cock deserves a montage
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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