hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
