I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
