That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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