there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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