I'm eating all of the evidence.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
