I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
