I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
