this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
