you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
