I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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