Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
