One girl and one boy is just not enough.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
