So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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