But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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