Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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