are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
