I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
